EMBARGOED FOR RELEASE ON AUGUST 30, 2023
The Fifth Branch Exposed
Revelations About Telepathy Hiding in Plum Sight
Washington, D.C. | August 30, 2023 – A witch, a dead man, and a pervert defied all known laws of both modern and classical physics to transcribe a narrative about human telepathic communication, revealing that which was never hidden at all: telepathic communication is real. Autobiography of a JEDI: As told to… Somebody by James Flannery via Jim Flannery is now available for pre-order through Barnes and Noble. Beware! The pages may or may not be filled with baldfaced lies about Hollywood conspiracies and the biophysics of telepathic communication.
Is this a product of witchcraft?
“A service to science,” cried the clown.
While it is a known fact that U.S. federal agents infiltrate television, film, music, news, and beyond, little is known about the specifics of their intentions and actions with regards to the persecution of the telepathic. Herein shall be a three act play unless we did or did not just publish our first book together as a cute little telepathic couple you can dissect on a lab table another time. Here’s a flagrantly false synopsis for the precocious ones:
There once was a GULLIBLE MAN who believed he was ill. Shocking, no? Along came a FLAGRANT LIAR who also told the GULLIBLE MAN he was ill. As penance for flagrant lies told, the FLAGRANT LIAR betrayed the event at the CHAPEL, leading to an evening of endless sobbing concluded only by sweet dreams of ROCK candy. Upon awaking, the FLAGRANT LIAR realized that the GULLIBLE MAN was not ill at all. The FLAGRANT LIAR, however, also realized he was nothing more than a crooked clown who’d grown a pair of SANDLERS under his eyes from crying at all the flagrant lies told. “Then that nigga traded those SANDLERS and a NEW JERSEY for some candy KORN with a flagrant liar from NEW YORK.”
Don’t like our story? “Tell them we’ll use telepathy to make their children’s brains explode this very night.”
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