FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Fresh as Fuck – A Double Dose of Jim Flannery
Two albums released as Flannery’s U.S. Presidency gains traction
Ottawa, Ont. | June 11, 2023 – United States Presidential candidate and psychiatric refugee Jim Flannery rewarded patient Canadian listeners with his first releases since entering the country. The two albi were dropped simultaneously at the stroke of midnight, one a hip-hop album and the other a stand-up comedy album.
Much like Flannery’s Presidential campaign, the two albi reek of mediocrity.
The hip-hop album, 2024 4 13 + 25, contains six songs expressing Flannery’s feelings about running for President of the United States that are believed to have been recorded in 2021 featuring instrumentals from producer ThatKidGoran, while the comedy album, YTF, consists of seven tracks from a 2018 stand-up comedy performance recorded in Gainesville, FL focusing on Flannery’s experiences with the mental system and as a high school physics teacher. One would best describe 2024 4 13 + 25 as a fierce emotional outpouring from an 11-year-old boy chained to a septic pipe in their parents’ basement their whole life who finally discovered why he was chained up in the first place. The featured single “Necessary Force” is worth mentioning as it may or may not bring a tear to the eye of those who ever doubted Flannery’s sincerity. As one would expect, Flannery’s second stand-up comedy release, YTF, is disgraceful at best, demonstrating Flannery’s only true talent to be having not killed himself from embarrassment by now. One must admire the courageousness of the Gainesville audience for sitting through the entirety of Flannery’s incoherent and nonsensical thinking expressed aloud, or for even being in the room with him at all for that matter.
With his name on the ballot in six states and having released two fresh albi, this reporter right here wants to know when this nigga is going to give us his new live show, to which he sanctimoniously replied, “When you show up.” He was never to be believed in again (and this reporter is on her way!).
Despite his underwhelming feelings about his artistic creations, Flannery insisted his sights are set on 2024. With a pair of clowns by his side, Flannery shared, “One can be a clown, and a comedian, and a rapper, and that person is an artist. Yet, can one be a candidate for President of those United States while also being an artist? You’d have to be one hell of an artist for that aspect of your existence to even indirectly disqualify you from any aspiration I can think of, and, fortunately for all of you, I suck at pretty much everything I do, so one can hardly imagine a universe where my shitty art could possibly disqualify me from holding the office of the Presidency. So, if you think my art precludes me from being President of the United States, you can politely eat shit. Better yet, just buy the two albi, put them on a plate, and chow down for all I care. You know and I know your disapproval over my Presidency is about my voice-hearing ability, which is why you really think I can’t be President, so you treat me like a nigger just like you did to Kanye, so fuck you and everything you believe in – your boo’s mean nothing to me when I’ve seen what you cheer for.”
Given Flannery’s apparent change of disposition toward public life, reporters at the Hartford Courant were at a loss for words when asked to explain how Joe Biden facilitated this week’s prisoner swap allowing Flannery into the United States for a brief period of time [to attend a wedding] in exchange for Connecticut Valley Hospital inmate Lisa Espinosa’s extradition to Canada for a brief holiday because there was no prisoner swap (since Joe Biden is nothing more than a coward).
In exchange for their safe passage, Joey Gladstone purportedly demanded that Flannery teach him how to put a lit cigarette out on the palm of one’s hand without causing harm to one’s self, a deal to which Flannery need not reply. In lieu of an alternative, Flannery entered the country by crossing the border illegally and receiving an alibi from former President Trumpelstiltskin, who claims, “Most likely, possibly, but not probably, young Flannery was in one of my hotels, I have many, you know, at least one in Ireland if that’s where he’s been, in fact, and, it should go without saying, you know, that Flannery may or may not have been urinating or even pretending to urinate on the freshest linens known to mankind throughout the duration that he was reported to be in the United States.”
Meanwhile, Espinosa continues to rot at Connecticut Valley Hospital and neither Donald Trump nor Joe Biden could give a fuck less. Sorry it’s not funny.
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| The album cover for YTF, special thanks to Edvard Munch (dec.) | The album cover for 2024 4 13 + 25, understandably referred to as “The GrA Album” |
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