Since I’m as tired of writing them as you likely are of reading them, this installment of Connecticut’s Forced Electroshock Problem is a choose-your-own-adventure.
Choose wisely:
The 2026 Connecticut Shock Awards
At long last, the 2026 Connecticut Shock Awards have arrived to celebrate excellence in human torture across the state of Connecticut. It’s been a tireless effort to obtain the complete data set to honor our recipients, and, frankly, I still think this thing is missing data on people who were forcibly shocked while not under a conservatorship, but, it’s almost 2027 and I see no indication we’ll receive clarification on the matter at this point, so sometimes we only get what we get (and sometimes what we get is involuntarily electroshocked).
Before we go any further… a moment of silence.
:: counts up state-wide total ::
HOLY SHIT!
Folks, I have never been more proud in my life to be from Connecticut. My home state, wow, not only did we manage to break the 200 barrier for the first time in history, Connecticut has surpassed all expectations with 335 requests for forced electroshock.
Unbelievable.
A 73% increase from the previous year.
This truly is a celebration of excellence.
And what an honor it is to be here with you as your host for the show.
When I first heard about the Connecticut Shock Awards as a child growing up in Connecticut, it was just a dream that one day I’d be asked to host. How shocked I was to find out that nobody else wanted the job this year.
But, enough about a young boy’s dreams, on with the show!
Rookie of the Year Award: this award has had a warm place in my heart ever since I first learned of the Connecticut Shock Awards, with the hopes that maybe one day I might open up my own electroshock facility in an unrepresented district myself and be able to be both the bearer of and recipient of a Connecticut Shock Award at the same time. Alas, today is not that day. This year there is: no recipient.
What kind of bullshit Shock Awards are they running here? I’m sorry, folks, I just read whatever’s on the card.
Rising Star Award: this year was a heated battle as three districts shattered their previous records, with Farmington, Middletown, and New Haven all being deserving of acknowledgment for their dedication and commitment to human torture. But, in fairness, Middletown and New Haven are seasoned veterans in the field… and the Rising Star Award is meant to be an encouragement… not a final destination. So, congratulations to Farmington Probate District for hitting 66 shock requests last year, almost double their previous high of 39.
Lonely Duckling Award: this is a special award which is to be given to whichever district shall one day remain the only holdout in the state. As we all know, Derby Probate District and Northeast Probate District continue to stand in contention to break the line and join the genocidal monsters in the remainder of the state who perpetrate forced electroshock on individuals. So, let’s find out whether either of them defected last year… As fate would have it: No award this year! A jubilation!
Shout out to Griffin Hospital and Day Kimball Health for continuing to save us from having to give out this award.
Best Love Song: we always like to take a break from the festivities at this part of the show to celebrate the arts at the Connecticut Shock Awards by giving away the award for Best Love Song. Though I prefer to be forcibly shocked to the Wu Tang Clan, the Connecticut Shock Awards are for the children, so we’ve Disneyfied this thing for all. This year’s winner, looks like an old guinea favorite from 1967: Frankie Valli’s “I Love You, Baby”. :: play “I Love You, Baby” by Frankie Valli ::
Those in our audience who claim that chorus is from “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”, we appreciate you.
GOAT Tribute: before we get on with the Shocker of the Year, we want to be sure to honor greatness, since, one might argue, that any district can pull off winning a Shocker of the Year award, but, need I remind you, we are talking about greatness here. Now, sure, some of you may be thinking, well, Middletown has won 8 Shocker of the Year Awards and clearly they’re running away with it this year. Not the case. Let’s be real, Middletown’s got hundreds of people locked up over there, they’re fishing with dynamite. A good show, but are they truly great? If not Middletown, then surely it must be Hartford since they have probably been shocking people against their will longer than any other district…. Nope. Hartford made the mistake of not retiring at their peak of 45 shocks in 2019 and it has just been plain embarrassing to witness their slow decay to mediocrity play out in public.
This year, showing us that they’re to be known for more than their pizza: New Haven.
I know if I were any of the recipients of the 90 forced electroshock requests filed in New Haven this past year, I would never consider taking freshly prepared dough, some store-bought sauce, and some mozzarella … and then throwing it in the oven… and then hunting down whoever signed off on my forced electroshock request, and putting them under anesthesia, of course… and then dragging them back to the most burnt fucking pizza you’ve ever seen and wrapping it around their goddamned face – because why would you do that when you can go get a slice at a local establishment rather than eating the remains off a person’s face? It didn’t need to go there… I’m not sure they even have pizza in the Disney Universe, but, despite the fact that New Haven is the recipient of this year’s GOAT Tribute, we should not take out our anger over the actions of genocidal doctors and ignorant administrators on a slice of pizza (even if the fact remains that if you do happen to get your pizza from New Haven that you’re more likely to be forcibly electroshocked than if you get it from anywhere else in Connecticut). ::play “I Love You, Baby” by Frankie Valli again for 15 seconds::
Shocker of the Year: Now for the moment we’ve all been waiting for… The Shocker of the Year. We may need to introduce a new category after this year, because, for the first time ever, we have a district that’s broken the 100 shock requests barrier.
Dear citizenry of Connecticut (and beyond), your 2025 Shocker of the Year with a record-setting 125 forced electroshock requests: Middletown.
And there you have the first and final Connecticut Shock Awards I’m ever hosting.
For the criers
I finally obtained the data from the State of Connecticut Office of the Probate Court Administrator for involuntary electroshock requests filed in 2025.
In short: Connecticut not only broke the 200 mark for the first time ever, but went so far as to break 300 as well, with a total of 325 requests filed for involuntary electroshock.
That is a 74% increase from 2024.
If you want to point fingers (though I would say this is statewide problem): Middletown, New Haven, and Farmington all had record-highs, with 125, 90, and 66 forced shock requests respectively.
As for an explanation for the sudden increase, you’d have to ask the people filing the forced shock requests, but it might be worth asking if it has anything to do with the fact that at the end of 2024 the Medicaid payout for electroshock treatment increased from $385.58 per treatment to $661.52.
For those seeking the raw data, check the following correspondence (1, 2, and 3). Further data can be found in the public stoptheshockct folder.
And, since I’m a crier too, here’s a graph we can all print out and dry our tears with:
Requests for forced electroshock treatment filed in Connecticut as reported by the Office of the Probate Court Administrator via FOIA request (2012-2025)