GAINESVILLE, Florida | April 22, 2023 – Performing today and today only will be none other than your future President of these United States, the not-so-self-proclaimed “Queen of Gainesville,” Jim Flannery(s) and no like(ly) appearance(s) from ‘PROBABLYORTECHNICALLY’.  Not only that, but Headquarters Library will need no more than three fig trees and a hug from me to you to handle the twenty-four person(s) in attendance.  Please bear with us as we handle the fruit all…

EASTHAMPTON, Mass. April 21, 2023 | Presidential candidate and local resident, James Flannery, took control of MindFreedom International’s email system via undisclosed location[s].  To date, Flannery has achieved very little in the way of public acknowledgment for his candidacy, likely due to the failures of this reporter themself.  Not to be shy, or to never be shy again at all, he’s apparently clowning around Rehoboth Beach, DE looking for his spare key at the exact…

MARCH 21, 2023 | SAN DIEGO, CA – At midnight this morning, an elderly man on Black’s Beach declared himself mentally ill after witnessing an irish golfer walking on the moon.  The man refused to be identified, declaring himself “probably or technically, the next President of these United States too” before adding, “just don’t 5150 me, dude!” While witnesses claim there was either a pair of high-powered binoculars or an obviously-homemade inverted telescope in the…

Washington, DC | March 21, 2023 – While being handcuffed at a Starbucks inside an Albertsons in Orange County, California, Presidential candidate-in-training||nominee, James Flannery, managed to submit the necessary filings to both the state of Washington and Vermont at the exact same time.  In addition to the 1,000 signatures required by both Washington and Vermont, as well as the irish-catholic hand job the free state of Vermont never asked for, Flannery offered each a bouquet…

Oklahoma City, OK | March 17, 2023 — Staff members at the State Capitol were startled to discover a sealed envelope today containing sufficient funds to cover the requisite fees for an individual of any caliber to be placed on the 2024 General Election ballot, as well as the names of the seven electors, reportedly also named James Flannery. Oklahoma state law requires an individual petitioning to be placed on the ballot as an Independent…