Montréal, Que. | June 6, 2023 – Amidst the mundane sideshow of croissants, English muffins, and legalized prostitution on display about throughout Montréal, a centennial gathering of elite roulette players that dates back to a carnival from the Americas of 1123 took place last evening: the Americas’ Open.  Devoted competitors throughout the ages have endured the red, black and lightly greened pilgrimage to the northern hemisphere for the event billed as the “Ceremony of the…

Ottawa, Ont. | June 3, 2023 – American psychiatric refugee, James Flannery, was ejected from a Niagara Falls casino for cheating late last night after pretending to urinate under a roulette table while being in the possession of multiple magnets.  At the admonition of repulsed passersby, Flannery insisted he be offered a can of Sunkist orange soda and a bag of Haribo gummy bears (twin snakes beheld ‘till the third arrives) for his hardship, before…

OTTAWA, Ont. | May 30, 2023 – Sometime before the Sun fell or the Moon rose, U.S. presidential candidate James Flannery applied for psychiatric refugee status with the Immigration and Refugee Board of Canada, a path paved by Jamaican-born refugee, Roxanne Stewart-Johnson, a known proprietor of said refugee status, who established precedence for such credentials in Canada.  Through the support of at least one clown associated with MindFreedom International’s Landing Zone Project (presently being led…

HARTFORD, CT | May 20, 2023 — Presidential Candidate Jim Flannery compelled Hartford Hospital to place him on a 72-hour involuntary psychiatric hold via physician’s certificate this morning.  Identifying as a “John Doe” and claiming “grave disability” as a consequence of “psychiatric disabilities,” Flannery cited two symptoms, referring to his voice-hearing experiences as “hallucinations” and declaring his fixed belief that he is or not the next President of the United States as a “delusion,” thus…

Washington, DC | May 7, 2023 – U.S. Presidential candidate Jim Flannery was not arrested yesterday for breaching campaign finance laws, despite publicly surpassing the Federal Elections Commission’s $5,000 limit for what appears to at least a stoned D.C. reporter as election rigging of one form or another. Flannery’s fundraising to become a Special Olympics athlete surpassed the $5,000 threshold on May 6, a violation that may or may not be a violation since the…