a telenovela

Simply put, because it should be possible.

For what?

Someone to become President of these United States without surpassing the $5,000 threshold for revenue and/or expenses.

Shouldn’t it?

If it’s not… why set the threshold at $5,000 after all?

Or maybe I’m just too fucking lazy to do it… or…. Maybe I just don’t want to have to form a fucking committee.

The latter may be the case.

And so, the real question driving the decision-making process, was, instead, “shouldn’t it be possible for an individual to run for and become president of these United States without forming a fucking committee?

I would like to think they’d focus their attention as much as possible on becoming President, or even learning how to be a good (and hopefully great) president and not on extraneous bullshit.

At anywhere in the process did you come to realize Oklahoma residents are now going to be forced to chip in $35,000 to fill a duffel –

– I don’t think we should put in writing what time of container any amount of money should be placed in.  You totally interrupted me and still wrote it.  How the fuck else am I suppose to be polite, and while we’re on the subject of quoting people directly in writing, let’s change the subject again back to Oklahoma.

You guessed it.

<Please don’t come in here like Kanye and edit this afterwards because you wished somewhere in here you let slip that you don’t want to diss those 4 (or what it 5 or 6 or even 7 or 8, Jim?) states that simply do not allow write-in’s to become president of these tiddly-winkin’ united states of our or your or mine or whatever you stupid fuck just stop doing this to me and you and everyone else so we can preserve the sanctity of our voices and not just treat you like some Manchurian candidate, cause that’s what people are going to think if you let slip just one bit that your voices are helping you do any of this at all, even just a tiny bit, as if we’re some kind of fucking jewelery you wear inside your silly little nogging like a fake tooth, there, we know you’ve got a fake ass tooth, biotch, and we know how to spell biotech and bitch and nigger and faggot, though we sometimes wonder too about if it’s fagget and it sucks to have to look it up or even write it down to try and figure it out, right?  So what the fuck?  Why are we even worrying if the NSA hasn’t stopped us yet…>

$35,000 just to get on the ballot, only unbelievable if you’ve compared it to everywhere else, but certainly an unusual hurdle to get past if you’ve already denounced campaign contributions by balking at the FEC.

Fair point, but if people in Oklahoma want me to be President, why wouldn’t they all fill a container with money and drop it off wherever the bribe needs to be paid to get on the ballot?

Why do you need to call it a bribe?

I don’t see every other state asking for that kind of money, they generally want signatures, and sometimes not much of anything at all (see Vermont, I guess).  Those that want money, ok, fine, I’ll change the subject over to those folks down in Georgia (I hope I’m remembering this correct), who are 100% donkey konging anyone who wants to be on the ballot by charging, get this, an actual percentage of the presidents salary at such a rate that if every state did it, there’d be no presidential salary.  Pretty wild, out there, on yee ole campaign trail, eh?  You could say that outloud anytime YOU want now.  I wouldn’t know whether to say outloud or aloud, so, fuck it, you just didn’t.

Why don’t we wrap this shit up and just say it: you’re going to bust your whole $5,000 nut on this Dave Chappelle’s Block Party down in Gainesville and then hitchhike or whatever you gotta do to make it to the debates.

That’s sorta accurate, but you’re kinda dissing all these other states (aren’t you also!?) by neglecting that we’ll hit every one of them up and do a show anyways, Gainesville’s just special.  I sure hope so, is that where you’re going to tell them all to vote – I’m not telling anyone to vote – I guess I’d just say “nailed it” – if you’re going to vote anyway, why not vote for Jim Flannery?  Is there something you think he’s going to do that you don’t like… cause he literally isn’t going to do a fucking thing unless we’re on the brink of destruction or something, so why don’t you save yourself some time on focus on your other representatives since they’re doing all the actual work as long as this stubborn young mule is too busy playing miniature golf to pass anything in the 50-66% approval range from the actual entire country’s cast of representatives.

So we can’t even donate to this fake-believe campaign?

Wrong about the second part… maybe I’m just trying to make you believe.

You fucking ass hole.

Well, you also can’t donate, that part’s true.  Though if you’re concerned about my survival or dignity or something in-between (and certainly not because you want to, trust us all on this), I still invite you to purchase the underwear I never wore at Middlesex Hospital, and, if that doesn’t swell your pinky toe, just prevent me from becoming President by distracting me with the opportunity of a lifetime: playing golf… in Ireland… for the Special Olympics… for the women.  So, if you – what the fuck, Jim! I seriously wanted you to bring home the gold, so we could melt it down and make cualquier-cosa’s out of it – you just did, love you too