FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Slip and Fall at the Courant
Could Mean Disaster for Flannery’s Future as an Irish Golfer
Hartford, Conn. | June 9, 2023 – While spectators at the Canadian Open continued to await the arrival of American psychiatric refugee and candidate for President of these United States, James Flannery, he instead headed south, risked crossing the U.S. – Canadian border, and made his way down to Connecticut for a personal visit to hand-deliver a bouquet of flowers to his biggest fan, executive editor of the Hartford Courant, Helen Bennett.
Tragically, Flannery slipped while walking on the sidewalk on Pearl Street alongside the Hartford Courant headquarters where an unswept pile of flower petals or residue from a poorly swept pile laid, agitating prior injuries to hands and hind sustained during an involuntary psychiatric commitment to a California inpatient facility earlier this year. Without proper medical insurance coverage in the United States, Flannery fled back to Canada for care.
“I’ll either heal in time for the 2031 Special Olympics in Hangzhou or I won’t,” Flannery flippantly replied, ignoring altogether the possibility that he may actually lose the 2024 election if he doesn’t get his shit together and win some more states, which would result in him being prematurely eligible to participate in the 2027 games in Perth, Australia. Even I would never imagine a universe where Flannery would intentionally throw the election just so he could visit his friends in Perth and play a free round of golf, so your guess is as good as mine as to why he hasn’t gotten his name on the ballot in any states since March of this year. This reporter is just as fed up as you are about expending the grey matter mitochondria even considering the remote possibility of living in a future where Jim Flannery(s) is not, in fact, the next President of these United States.
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