FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Louis CK Endorses Flannery for President
New Zealanders Rejoice at Being Distinguished from Australians
Perth, Austr. | August 11, 2023 – While attending today’s library lecture on the art history of physics and social activism, American director and comedian, Louis CK, offered U.S. Presidential candidate, Jim Flannery, the raw black and white footage of gifted Holocaust survivor Magneto’s birth, the climax of which captures an earnest attempt by Magneto to resurrect his half-eaten twin brother that results in nothing more than a cereal of amniotic fluid and half-eaten Magneto-fetus-twin with ferro-magnetic graffiti aristocratically spelling: “FLANNERY in 2024.”
CK, who preferred to communicate the endorsement to his fans by email, proclaimed to his faithful followers, “From what I hear, this nigger`s nothing but a filthy liar and a rapist – who else would I endorse? That faggot Trump? Jim Flannery for President NOW and FOREVER!”
In tribute to his father, Flannery did not tell this reporter anything about forged Frankie Valli contracts CK was or was not compelled by Christ to burn on his behalf in sacrifice for the honor of accepting the distinguished responsibility of releasing CK’s banished-but-not-forgotten film, I Love You, Daddy, now for sale at jim-flannery.com/ily-daddy.
The film was originally purchased for $5 million by The Orchard, an American media distribution company, after it premiered at the Toronto Film Festival in September 2017. CK then purportedly planted a story in the popular media depicting himself as a habitual predatory masturbator to promote the film’s worldwide launch, leading to The Orchard’s decision in November to cancel it’s release. A connoisseur of disgraceful art himself, CK bought the film and all rights to it the following month with plans to release it in the future.
In keeping with the tradition of fiscal honor and integrity exemplified by Flannery’s U.S. Presidential campaign, none of the proceeds from I Love You, Daddy will be going into Flannery’s now-ignited campaign, instead, they will go towards the production of CK’s next film, Niggers from New York II.
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