a telenovela

Gambling debts?  Who the fuck are you even talking to?

We know, Jim, just tell us about Costa Rica so we don’t have to worry.

There are people who may or may not think that something happened in Costa Rica, which has nothing to do with a gambling debt.  Let’s call these – don’t even, Jim – don’t call them anything then.  There just happens to be something suspicious about where you do or do not burn your receipts, Jim.  Burning receipts?  Yep.  We know you don’t take your receipts and take them to Burning Man once a year to burn them all, so where do you burn your receipts, nigga?  Why would I tell anyone where the fuck I burn my receipts?  You just told us enough, Jim.  I keep the ones the NSA will need, is that enough?  Might be.  Are there any receipts from any money you did or didn’t bring back from Costa Rica, Jim?  Receipts?  From what fucking money?  The money you busted those niggas up for on the east costa, Jim, playing craps in Viejo.  Viejo?  Yes, Jim, we know you took those fools in Viejo in dice, so don’t act like you didn’t?  Dude, seriously, just check the fucking roulette table at Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods, that’s all you need to know.  The roulette table?  Why wouldn’t we just pull the cameras from the casinos in Costa Rica?  Because you just told us the best shit in Costa Rica didn’t happen on film, did it, Jim?  If we’re talking about good shit, then you’d probably hear that I lost everything to those motherfuckers on the east coast, but, we know, Jim, you didn’t leave any debts behind, right?  I left not a single fucking thing at all, dude, not a single fucking thing.  So as long as we know that the best place for gringos looking to avoid real waves is in Puerto Viejo, then we all know to go to the west coast, Jim, where we can catch real waves and do whatever needs to be done at the casino in Jaco.  You do know that tables ain’t right in Jaco, right?  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the tables in Jaco, just don’t worry about la mesa.  La mesa?  Si, la mesa, Jim.  La mesa where we left all our money on the table in Jaco when there wasn’t even a table at all.

That being said?  That being said, nigga, Black Friday?  It’s, Friday, nigga, it’s Friday after all.

Yeah, there’s more than one Black Friday?  Sure, I always celebrate the first Friday of February – and how the fuck do you celebrate the first Friday of February.  Firstly, I don’t leave it with a fucking lowercase “F” on the “first,” that’s rude as fuck.  Ya, Jim, we do too., just don’t worry about a thing, my man, not a thing, cause I don’t give a fuck about St. Fucking Patrick’s Day anymore than you do.  And now you know that about me too, Jim.

Just tell them you think its fucked what happened to all these human beings, Jim, human beings who got fucked when the government banned online poker, right?  Or just online betting?  What exactly happened on Black Friday that got you so fucked up beyond that documentary with the single mother whose accounts all got froze just cause some people signed a sheet of paper somewhere else?  Just doesn’t seem right at all, what?  To let a fool gamble?  Who said anything about gambling?  We’re just placing bets, nigga, just placing bets all over the place.  The same bet?  Never the same bet, Jim, never, and don’t call me “nigga” anymore if you’re not also placing bets, but you already know about the bets, and so we do too, nigga, don’t even worry, we know everything we needed to know about your gambling.