a telenovela

I don’t know what can be said that hasn’t been said in the YTF show, so grab a copy if there’s on floating around somewhere, though, yep, probably disappointing as fuck that I can’t seem to do comedy properly ever since this presidential bullshit crept into our lives.  And I’m sorry, I’m really fucking sorry to have done this (if you actually did anything at all, Jim, in your entire fucking life, for once) to Lauren, fine, Jim, that’s wonderful.  Cause it sucks, well, shucks, why?  YTF?  Sure, let it out, dude.  Who the fuck wants to be a comedian married to another comedian who is also running for President of these silly ass United States without it absolutely fucking their shit up?  And, what?  Say nothing about it on stage?  Well whose fucking promise was that?  Well who the fuck wrote, I don’t know, How Does Love Work without even thinking about the fucking question mark, Jim, just don’t say “I told you so” either if you ever think this is going to really happen for you, don’t lead her or anyone else on like this, just write the shit about LGBTQ people without wondering what order the fucking letters are in!

It’s not, Jim, don’t even worry.

Who the fuck would get in the way of gay people wanting to be married?  Just don’t go letting them adopt children, right?  I don’t think anyone’s letting an undrugged schizophrenic or bipolar person adopt a kid, so what does that have to do with gay people?  What if I wanna fuck the kids? What the fuck, Jim, please.  Well, what if I wanna fuck them, but I won’t, cause, I don’t want them to be disappointed every other lover they have doesn’t satisfy them as well, cause I’m a decent fucking person.  OK, so, don’t you think on the questionnaire when you adopt children it asks you whether or not you’re going to fuck the kids?  I think they’d probably be more interested in knowing whether I even think about it – in fact – they may even ask something like “Have you ever had thoughts about fucking children?” and then I might say, “How could I not think about fucking children right this instant since you just planted the fucking thought in my head, but, no, all I am allowed to do if I’m playing sane is say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, so fuck off with questions like this?”  Thanks for including the question mark.

Does anyone lose out financially from gay people being together?  Only seems like the bakeries, they’re missing out on a huge market opportunity there for gay wedding cakes, which, by the way, I might be in the market for if we’re going all in on the Irish Golf Deal like we promised.

And Bisexuals?  Well, who could get in the way of people who just want to fuck, and since they’re actually less likely to reproduce during their bisexual-activities (if that’s a phrase), then take your Christian shit and shove it up a Muslim’s ass, I guess.  That’s pretty weak.  I’m tired too.  Fair enough.  There are other religions… did you leave some out of Punitive Damage?  On purpose?  Better not!  More on the LGBTQ thing without somehow acknowledging there’s some underlying ignorance to even suggesting this belongs anywhere near articles about slavery and/or BIPOC people?

There are some groups of people, I would think, that may relate to the psychiatric survivors movement, and I would think those people may or may not want to discuss things beyond these specific subjects as well.  That being said, not everyone knows about at least the psychiatric survivor movement, so maybe it’s worth spelling this shit out for the newbs (how fucking rude, Jim).  I don’t know who’s a newb either, so get on with it.

The transgender group – wanna talk about queers first?  That seems easier, perhaps, if you don’t even know what a queer person is – that’s what I love about queer people, I’m not sure if they know either, it seems like a nice category, though.  Well, fuck all, please don’t even say that sounds like what you think, I sure as fuck hope not, well, maybe I’m queer, we know, Jim, you’re queer as fuck and you don’t even know what the word means, not yet, but I don’t think there’s any issues with queer people going on with a person who doesn’t have issues with gay people and/or bisexual people, Jim.

Great point, we know, the same dude who intends to compete for the women’s gold medal in golf at the Special Olympics (as an Irish citizen, wtf?!), apparently regardless of whether or not he becomes President of these United States, though it would be a sight to see, Jim, this same dude, somehow doesn’t have an issue with anything at all going on in the world related to the subject with the word “transgender” featured somewhere in it?


Where do we begin?  You fucktard, right where you belong.

Is there a law you are asking me to comment on?

Perhaps we are, Jim, you can’t just –

Figure out what you want to say about this right here right now?

There’s two categories, just like sometimes there’s more than one reason.

OK, at least give us two categories, Jim, because sometimes, if there’s two, there’s three, and so on and so forth.

Great idea, I wonder what those twins in San Diego would think about this subject and maybe instead of telling you what I think I’ll just tell you a story that suggests I might know what they think.

At least say something instead of wasting our time with these useless carriage returns, niga.

First, there’s the body modification.  I’d say, maybe in particular for young people because of puberty.  Then, maybe, wonder exactly what the law is saying people can and cannot do.  And, yeah, I’d sure as fuck wonder whether even my acknowledgment of these things will inherently tip at least one person’s personal decision in any direction whatsoever and be absolutely terrified my words matter that much.

Then I’d take a deep breath and say, hey, there’s this whole other category related to, apparently, men dressing up as women and raping women (and even children, presumably young girls) in bathroom stalls.  Once I have that thought, I don’t think so much about people willfully modifying their bodies in any way whatsoever, though permanent body modification makes me pretty uncomfortable.  I mean, if I am a dude and wanna wear a dress, I’d hope I’d put on a fucking dress.  I don’t know what it means to feel like I don’t belong in my own body, though I’d be lying if I said I never wondered.  Even wondering… definitely can get you 10 days, so let’s move on.

To men dressing up as women and raping another human being in a bathroom stall?

Yep, that topic.

Well, as long as you’re not dressing up as a woman any raping anyone at the Special Olympics, we’ll be alright, won’t we, Jim?

You might be, and I might be, but what about people who are legitimately struggling with this shit and they literally just need to use the fucking bathroom?  Seriously who is taking inventory at the bathroom door?  How come I never hear any stories whatsoever of this shit actually happening anywhere ever?  I’ve seen and heard some crazy ass shit in my life yet I to this day have still never heard of this happening somewhere, and, I already know it, it’s probably happened somewhere but nobody wants to report it, right?  So at least I’m an ass hole again.  I just can’t get over the idea that you think that passing a law prohibiting men from dressing up like women, with the sole intention of preventing someone from doing so for the purposes of raping someone, is at all going to dissuade someone from doing just that.  For fuck’s sake, we’re already talking about people who apparently plan out raping people in bathroom stalls if they’re dressing up in character to do it, so what the fuck do you think is going to stop these people?  A law?  You must be dumber than shit.  So, it sounds to me what you are really saying here, is only POOR transgender people are fucked, because those who can afford to make themselves appear “passing” will simply get to use cualquier-cosa bathroom they want forever and ever and ever, and that the poor ones will get beat up by some redneck in a bathroom near Asheville, right?  It’s not my fault that nigger was acting like that?  And no first name for that nigger, Jim?  Let’s say he was “talking” like that instead of “acting” then.  Fine by me, why is it just a coincidence that these people you call niggers are always white?  How’d you know he was white?  You fucking ass hole.  What, I’m just namecallng at this point, aren’t I?  I don’t think you are, because you know what the fuck you are doing even if this is, what, 1500 words into an article about LGBTQ people and you haven’t mentioned Puerto Ricans once yet, Jim, not exactly once, ok?  Fine, what racist name do you think Dave Chappelle would use for whom, Jim?  Hispanic people?  Spanish-speaking Americans?  Mexicans living in America?  Puerto Ricans living here?  Or, oh wait, what if they’re born here?  And if there’s also people here in the same fucking country born in those other countries who are also citizens?  Whose Puerto Rican now, nigga?  Not sure, but at least we haven’t – what do you mean we haven’t left anyone out?  We’ve left out all sorts of people – I know, that’s why we can’t print all this on paper.  Come on, pal, please, paper?  Nigga, you talking like me now!  I love you too, don’t worry about the paper, just make sure we get back to the subject at hand: transgender people using the bathroom.

How about we move on to transgender people using the bathroom at the Special Olympics since you’re obsessed with financial incentives infiltrating social issues.

Fine by me.

I guess, what?  Just don’t go stopping 2/3 of the country from voting on laws giving transgender people the right to or stripping their right to or something else or something else?  Maybe I’m not the one to write these things on paper, that’s “paper”, Jim, yep, that’s paper.

Fair enough –

The Special Olympics – fucking right – the Special Olympics.

If it’s at all possible for a young person, let’s say, for example, to simply say they are the opposite gender in order to compete in sports, and, yes, I know it says gender instead of sex, that’s a fun chat for another time, or right now, and that person is able to compete in another division that enables them to end up winning, yes, winning, a financial gift to a college or University, then it seems that it’s a manipulable game.  Game?  Sure, if life is just a game with rules, then it could be manipulated.  And – what – do – you expect us to do about it?  I guess we’d have to see what happens if a person believed to be a man willfully enters into a professional sporting competition at an international level to compete in the women’s division and see what happens, just to be prepared for the inevitable day when someone does this maliciously.  I’m not sure if you’re an ass hole as much as I want to think you are, though I already know you’re just going to say that if an idea is so wonderful it should pass beyond 66% of the nation’s approval anyways since that is basically like getting a D on a report card, right?  Basically all these ideas are shit since they hired a fucking President to sort out the high-F’s and D’s from apparently whatever’s considered a real failure in this country.

I’ve also considered the possibility this is precisely the way things work in this lovely land of ours, that these fringe states on the slavery issue are somehow the underlying backbone of our whole country and if we could just keep our mouths shut about it, we may not accidentally breakdown our entire society.  And I’m not sure what to tell you about that, but I think the globe has their hands full already sorting out the difference between gender and sex, so maybe this shit takes more time than one would expect.  It’s just disappointing, isn’t it?

Fine, want one of flim’s philosophies on gender?  I suppose, if gender isn’t binary, wait, this is a commentary more about the concept of whether non-binary people exist than about gender, isn’t it, Jim?  Can we just cut the progressive bullshit that you think is so funny?  Can you ignore the simple fact that if it’s true that gender is a spectrum, then that means everyone’s somewhere on it, and there would be no single person who would technically be at their extreme (sure, assuming a spectrum here), so that just means that literally everyone is on the spectrum somewhere and so once it’s acknowledged it can essentially be disregarded entirely and we can move on, right?  Not as funny when you’re not performing is it?  None of the funny shit is funny when we do this, that’s why we do it, Jim.

Sure, mention all you want about how there may be people who use the legal tool of changing their name and sex and/or gender, Jim, as a means of disguising themselves as another human being, as if that won’t seem like a joke now, even though you know damn well there are people who really do this shit who don’t want their cover blown in any way even though somehow you are acknowledging them as if that’s important for someone who is going to be President of this fucking place one day, Jim, so what do we do now if acknowledging people puts them at risk if we don’t expect or at least, what, hope, that something will be done to continue protecting those who need protecting?