a telenovela

You fucked me on this one too, so, fuck you, I’ll just answer the first piece.

A&J Biomedics is the first business I ever co-founded, though there was other entrepreneurial stuff before that, but I don’t think I ever called any it a business.  That’s when the name “flantascience” came about, and maybe that’s around the first time I got locked up in a psych hospital, so it sorta sucks to write or talk about all the cool science and business aspects of it without just thinking it’s all shit.  Ultimately, the short answer, Alec and I started the company, we had a couple investors, we worked out of laboratory space at Boston University, we started by looking to apply a technology that researchers in Australia were working on and how we could apply that to create a medical device for anesthesia, then we shifted to how that same technology could be used to speed up the enzymes used to processing like making ethanol from cellulose.  Though we didn’t receive funding based on the medical device idea, we were part of a business plan competition that used that idea and didn’t go further with it.  So maybe someone won’t like that two biomedical engineers started a company initially to make a medical device and pivoted toward biotechnology instead?  I’m not sure where the issue is here, ultimately, we didn’t hit it big, so I can’t imagine how much people will care about a project that never got beyond the benchtop and onto a production-sized facility.  Why do you think it failed?  I’m glad you’re at least calling it a failure instead of all the bullshit about how you raised more money than you needed, did exactly what you set out to do in the lab, and returned the remaining money to the investors when you didn’t believe in the idea anymore.  That’s sort of exactly what happened.  But why didn’t it work?  I’m not a dumbfuck, I’m just as scientifically equipped as you are, Jim Flannery, so let’s go, why didn’t it work?  Yeah, hold my putter too, Jim, hold my putter.

I don’t know.  I don’t fucking know.  If I knew exactly why it didn’t work, we would have been able to scale that fucker up and, surprise, we would have been going to raise more money.  However much money we raised was never intended to be enough to scale up the project beyond the benchtop.  But by all means, give it a try, it’s not really that expensive an endeavor, and the odds of two 21ish or 22ish whatever year olds taking the Resonant Recognition Model and using it to probe into the unknown in cualquier-cosa enzyme you want to is a risk worth taking, so if somehow by talking about this, there’s a University or something somewhere that drops $20-30k or so on the equipment needed, you can probably find some industrial enzyme suppliers to donate buckets worth of that shit to you to test it out and see if you can do better than we did, who knows what you’ll find.

Little testy there, Jimbo, why so defensive?

I call everything a failure and nobody really believes me, so it’s sort of weird to be answering these questions.

Like American Relight?


Another ::cough:: horeshit :: cough :: failure, right?

You better believe that one after whatever the fuck I said about A&J because clearly that was ultimately a failure too and I don’t see you walking around looking up at J.C. Penny’s at the lights looking for American Relight light bulbs, do you?

Never thought of doing that, but I might just have to figure out what a chase-me penny is in order to do just that.

You might.  Speaking of which, I do have a dollar to waste in the other room.

It’s supposed to be a penny, Jim.

But I have to – we know – waste a dollar to get the penny.


Happy birthday, nigga?

Not sure about that one still.

Well get that fucking birth certificate and find out for us, will you?

Sure, right after I dodge your question about the rest of my business dealings and the rest of my life, apparently, no?

Just tell me what you don’t want me to know.

There’s not much.

That means there’s something.

I was thinking about J.F. Web Development and the confusion around what exactly “flantascience” is or isn’t.  What is J.F. Web Development if it isn’t a brand that flantascience owns?  I’m not sure flantascience technically owns anything?  Why would that be?  flantascience may not actually exist since it requires a lowercase letter and none of that “llc” bullshit after it.  But what does the federal government think?  Do they think?  You’re talking about an organization like it’s an individual – isn’t that how corporations are treated?  Well treat me, nigga, treat me too.

Simply enough, flantascience formed legally in 2013, though the idea or word or phrase came about in 2008.  That’s according to the IRS, I’d imagine.  Then, according to Delaware, you closed up shop!  That would be just after the start of 2014, right around the time someone may or may not have realized they were coughing up $400 a year to be a disregarded entity by the federal government.  So you think your special that the federal government disregarded you too?  It hurt my feelings, sure.  Thanks, Jim, we love you too, carry on.

In the eyes of the big scary monsters, flantascience, or flantascience llc as they may call it, never closed, and there may be some states that may have hurt feelings about that too.  Those states are also looking for money, I may or may not assume?  Not that I’m aware of, maybe Delaware is a little butt sore that we pulled out so quick, though California and Massachusetts and Connecticut have gotten paid taxes, some of them may just never have received an annual LLC filing for an LLC that never existed in their state, if those were required.

We see, what does this filing entail?  From what I can tell, its just a flat rate shake down.  A flat-rate shakedown?  Sure, some shake-downs are a percentage of something and some are a flat-rate.  And what does Massachusetts think of your feelings about – ah yes, Jim – the fucking poster, really?  Sure, that fucking poster pisses me off.  As far as they know, that posted is hanging over the bed in the other room so we can study it instead of sleep at know – so you’ll pay your workers a fair wage, Jim? – among other things.

Well, fuck us all, Jim, fuck us all right now, please.

I’d say “my bad” but I don’t think anyone felt like they were getting a bad deal at any point?  Did anyone ask you for more money?  No, I think you’d probably be more disappointed in my collection methods from those who simply chose not to pay their bills?  How do we distinguish between those who simply chose not to pay and those who, what, ghosted you?  Believe it or not, some people are courteous enough to straight up tell you – fuck you, I’m simply not paying my bill – which is actually pretty convenient if I’m being honest.

So how many people have you told ‘fuck you, I’m simply not paying my bill’ to?  I’d like to say that I’ve said that already to Middlesex Hospital, but aww gee shucks I haven’t seen the bill yet, so that hasn’t happened.  Though, I guess you could ask Bill Gates.  Bill Gates?  Motherfucker.  What?  What happened with Bill Gates.  There were a few bills that I may have said “fuck you, I’m not paying you” in a more gentler manner, but you’d probably best ask Bill Gates about those.  Why would I do that?  I don’t wanna be rude and gossip about Bill Gates, that wouldn’t be polite.  I’m not worrying about Bill Gates any more than you are, Jim, are you?

I wasn’t in that moment, but now that you’re bringing up Bill Gates, I might be worrying a bit.

How much do you owe him?

I don’t owe him a fucking thing.

What about for creating Microsoft Windows, do you owe him for that?

I’m not sure about that, but maybe I owe him for creating Microsoft.

Fair enough, Jim, can you write that check right now?

Of course I can, I can literally write a check for any amount you want, just don’t also me to deposit it at the fucking bank for you.

Thanks, Jim.

What’s going on with J.F. Web Development these days?

Fuck it, yes, I basically shut everything down 100% in early 2022 to pursue becoming the next President of these United States.  That hasn’t really changed, has it, Jim?  I’ve done some favors and some other work, but, basically, it hasn’t changed much?  And the music?  That was intended to be a tool, and I thought maybe I was better at it than I realized, at least better than I could be as a President, and maybe that would be enough to change the world, but now I’m fucked as the President who wants to change the world but refuses to do it himself since it’d just be some fucked up dictatorship so, fuck it, I just won’t tell people to vote, I won’t do it either, Jim, so just tell them what you said the other time if you can bear it, ‘if you’re going to vote anyways, why not vote for Jim Flannery?’ that didn’t hurt, did it?

Now, you know, someone out there, Jim, is going to think the fucking voices in your head are compelling you to some kind of global domination or something.  Are you?  No, fucktard, of course not.  We just want what you want, to fucking breath, nigga, now don’t worry because the NSA already knows you can’t even operate a Low Orbit Ion Canon so you clearly can’t do this by yourself.  How do you know I can’t operate a Low Orbit Ion Canon?

Because I’ve seen your comedy show and all of your other art, Jim, and I can’t even believe I’m lying right now just so that you can ensure your taxes are all in order when people see you haven’t made shit for money from all your creativity.  Well, thanks for some of that, but did you forget about all the dildos?  Nope, Jim, we didn’t forget about your foray – well there’s more than just dildos – we know, we already know, we just don’t care enough – oops – oops what, nigga?  I should have mentioned in my international relations thing about sending sexual contraband to foreign lands were these products are illegal – well – you already know?  I might.  Then guess again, some places within our own United States would prefer these products also don’t enter their borders – however – big however, Jim – those laws are more specifically about pornography, not tools – tools? – what do you call them?  I don’t call them anything because I’m a fucking voce in your head – bullshit! – don’t say bullshit, Jim, I’m just saying I don’t want to tell people on the internet we all collectively refer to the tools that you, Jim, you’re the fucking human you dumbass, what do you mean?  I’m just saying – we are too – so don’t worry, but what about – what about whom, Jim? – aww fuck, what, now?  Your mom, Jim?  Not my mom, your mom.  Your mom.  Nope, not writing it.  Well then just wait Jim till someone new pops in to write something that doesn’t involve sending chocolate covered dildos to Saudi Prince’s, okay?  That seems reasonable to me, we’ll just wait a while.

Do you want to gamble with this some more?  Jim, if you don’t have any gambling winning to declare, you don’t have to tell them about your losses.  But what if I also never lose?  Then you probably don’t play.  Just don’t tell my friends down at Mohegan Sun that I don’t actually play, I don’t want them to think I just go there to play with the chips.  That sounds reasonable as long as you’re not lingering around a fucking roulette table comparing them to whatever it is you are comparing them to, Jim, whether it’s not slot machines in Costa Rica or it is, it doesn’t really matter, there is not such thing as a riggable roulette table in Costa Rica, Jim, because the wheel turns.