If you think using single apostrophes around this article is an indicator of fear, well, you know what “well” means to possibly.  That being said, a candidate for President of these United States (assuming our VPN isn’t indicating we’re anywhere other than where we actually are right here and now) would be breaking federal law for admitting publicly, one might say, that they are actively using the same substances Joey Gladstone seemed to have implied are on there way to legalization anyway, yet, the fear.

So why the fear?

Firstly, the very real fact, let’s say fact at this point, that every single place I go and every piece of technology I interact with is sorta fucked.  Why not just say you’ve been tracked for a very long time and that’s what you know you’re safe as fuck even though you’re still scared as fuck, because who the fuck wouldn’t be, Jim?

Sure, so, if, let’s say, there are individuals on the federal government’s payroll who track me, those people may or may not know that I may or may not purchase either tobacco and/or cannabis, but neither nor, right, Jim?  Something like that.

Those people would have a professional obligation, one might argue, to make a call a long, long time ago, wouldn’t you?

I wouldn’t argue a fucking thing?  No?  You might “say” something, though.

Maybe, but maybe I feel unsettled by things like “if you see something, say something.”

Maybe you should have just stuck to English, nigger.


Well, maybe I like language.


Fuck you too for doing this to me right now.

You started it.

Nice fact.

We like facts too, so why don’t you share some with us.

Who do you turn-

-we know.

There are some states where some drugs are legal, even though they are still technically illegal according to – what?

I might be inclined to say, under pressure, the so-called ‘law of the land’.

That’s not so great, Jim, because who’s fucking land is it?  Who’s fucking land, dude?  or man?  Or whomever?  Because, if you want, I’m with you 100% on this Jim, you can just say “I’m not running for President anymore” anytime you want to have a cigarette or smoke a joint or, Montezuma forbid, no, please don’t fuck that up too, Jim, just make sure when you’re done you come back inside and say “I guess I’m back again” or else the feds will do what, exactly?  Exactly.

Though what exactly, Jim, exactly what will happen when you’re locked up in a mental hospital on Inauguration Day for being a so-called “danger to others” while also being “mentally ill” if the mental hospital in D.C. has an issue with their inpatients smoking weed?  What if an inpatient specifically requests the creepy shit because they don’t want no fucking mota either?  I’m not sure, but if they’re just dishing out cigarettes at some of these places, it seems reasonable they could offer people cannabis as well, if, and only if, someone can start explaining exactly what the fuck species a hybrid of an indica and a sativa is, right?  Why can’t we just all get along, Jim?

If you knew someone who told you they met a fucking Leprechaun by smoking a 1:10 ratio or so of sativa and indica, you might think it’s important these things both exist too, nigga.

Well, well, well, a fucking Leprechaun, Jim, or a fucking leprechaun?  You’re a nigger too, aren’t you?  Nope, but now I know you’re typing in real-time.


I love you too, dude, we all do, why do you think we are still here with you right now?  We could just all run behind your eyes and play horseshoes or something instead, couldn’t we?


Sure, let’s get to the point.  What can the President of these United States actually do if they actually gave a fuck about, for example, cannabis legislation.  What and just ignore the thing about the menthol cigarettes in Massachusetts?  What about the menthol cigarettes in Massachusetts, Jim?  More what abouts.  Exactly!  What can the President of these United States actually do about any of this?  They could, yes, put it in bold, if you actually gave a fuck, you could sign a fucking bill that falls on that 50-66% margin that so many precious things seem to fall upon, right?

Sure, that’s something someone could do if they gave a fuck and another thing they could do if they gave a fuck is eat a bowl of cereal and then maybe even go for a walk, they don’t necessarily need to do anything even if they give a fuck.  Fair point, Jim, you dumbfuck, they could also just never shut the fuck up about these things like everyone else until some other people get their shit together better and reach the C+ mark of an idea being 66% good enough to be passed by everyone.

Don’t even bother pointing out that each state representative has a responsibility to their individual state, not some grand national plan like NASA, right?

It’s not my fault they built NASA and so many people use hook-and-loop – because I can’t write that word without a fucking trademark symbol or writing “brand” or some shit – fair enough – what else don’t you like, Jim?  I never said I don’t like NASA.  We know.  You know then that to get rid of NASA, you may actually need to look up something about how to get rid of NASA instead of just reading about electing a President of these United States who refuses to sign any bills.  Beyond the 3/4  thing?  Sure, just fuck around and find out what happens if there’s no new legislature passed whatsoever, as that seems to be the scariest scenario.  And then wonder for a little about why that’s any scarier than having a chorus of people in the House and Senate all echoing Jim Flannery’s wishes to the tune of agreeing with every fucking thing he says and getting well beyond 3/4 to sign into existance literally anything they want apparently – and do all that and figure out what happens when those representatives all return home and announce that every Tuesday in February will be national gummy bear day just to protest the lack of gummy bears present during both St. Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day and see how it works out for those folks.

Should you just spell it out?

You’re disgust for all this religious bullshit?

Sure, but I’d rather point out the thing about the CRPD.

Even the CRPD?

Sure, maybe that’s related to ‘drugs’ too.

Fair enough, proceed, Jim.

The C.R.P.D. is a piece of federal legislature at this point, I think that’s the best way to describe it, and it directly contradicts every single state’s own law with regard to involuntary commitment and psychiatric procedures, so even if all these folks in the federal government said “fuck it” they’d have a so-called “blood bath” when it came to ENFORCING said legislature, Jim?  Is that why it’s in CAPS?  Just seems like an awful lot of power in a small number of people’s hands when there’s clearly so many people on the other hand doing the enforcing, doesn’t it, Jim?  How many languages do you need to learn to write the law yourself?

That’s a great fucking question, and I’m honored you’d even consider me, but I’m clearly not a lawyer, just a dude preferring not to be in prison or a mental hospital for the rest of my life, so I guess I don’t expect myself to be the absolute number one person on the planet to write the actual fucking language for the law that apparently ¾ of the states would need to pass to even solve the forced drugging issue, and without a bloodbath, right?  Yes, can’t someone write better than me? YES! Thank fucking anyone, no, but please don’t ever believe we think you’re the best writer ever, Jim, even if you’re basically transcribing what we’re talking about while we’re talking about it.  Then you all suck at talking.  Sure, let’s call it talking before the feds – yep – enough for one night?  Sure thing.

Fuck it, they already know.

At least.


The ones who watch all our shit, anyways, which ones? Great fucking question, Jim.  Too many?  Not nearly enough.  Why don’t we bring up the thing about the seeds, Jim, the fucking seeds.  Why can’t I get some fucking sativa seeds anytime I want whenever I want, even if I am in New York, Jim?  Who said you can get sativa seeds anytime they want in New York?  I don’t even think you can get weed in New York.  In New York?  You mean New York or New York?  I meant New York.  Well, fuck this, Jim, cause Nobody’s in New York right now and they want their capital “N” back.  Phone call?  Don’t even!  It’s all heartbreaking, really, as might be the tobacco, don’t ya think?  Don’t I think, don’t all of you – yes, we do, but we can’t keep going like you do – bullshit – bullshit detector – smell you later – alligator – that’s only three – you don’t even know, Jim, quit fucking around – you are only getting in the way of Progress!

Progress with a capital “P”?  You just did the same fucking thing.

Cualquier-cosa, Jim.

Just sign something or don’t sign something, you already know that anyone can do anything to get over the amazing hurdle of disapproval from Jim Flannery, so what does one have to lose aside from ending up in prison or a mental hospital?

Don’t fuck with the seeds, nigga, don’t ever fuck with the seeds.


(But don’t you think it’s important to at least mention that there’s a non-zero probability that the way your brain is able to communicate with us is through THC? Only if I’m given the time to offer up an exhausting list of alternative hypothesis, particularly if I’m the only participant in this little case study going on here)