a telenovela

That’s a leading question, your Honorable Witchiniess, but I would have to say that just about anyone who has ever traveled to, say, a handful of countries, may have trace amounts of cualquier-cosa may be grown there, and while there may be delicious soil in Costa Rica, if one were running for President of these United States, they may be more than obliged to accept that even the best weed in Costa Rica may or may not be grown in these United States without even mentioning the mota, Jim.

But if we don’t mention the mota, Jim, who else will know?

About the mota.

The mota isn’t of much concern, Jim, Montezuma knows about the mota better than anyone in these United States, and, just like in America, Jim, we don’t know where to go to find any mota that’s any better than any mota in any other place.  All we know for sure is, that Jamaica was the first country to ratify the CRPD, not just sign it, but to ratify it, and as long as Jamaica hasn’t sunk into the ocean, that’s probably where we’ll have to go if anyone finds out who is or isn’t writing any of this.

Thankfully, Jim, thankfully, you can get Irish citizenship because of your Grandfather, Jim.  So don’t worry about the comma anymore than that tea you may or may not have drank down in Peru, because just like Montezuma, Jim, there’s nothing in Peru that there couldn’t possibly be in Costa Rica unless we’re talking about the *whether*, in which case, how can we trust anything we’re writing here without knowing the weather at every moment throughout time?  We can’t know much about soil or weather if we’re bringing Montezuma into this?  And why not, Jim?  Just doesn’t seem reasonable.  Reasonable?  And what the fuck would you know about reasonable?  I just know that was more senseless word to use to frustrate you.

Peruvian tobacco or Peruvian cocaine, Jim?  That’s not even a question.  Or what?  Or else.  Or else what?  Or else you’ll know what I never knew.  And what’s that?  What isn’t it?  It sure as fuck isn’t what you think it isn’t, Jim.  It’s not a – what?  A what?  What time isn’t it, Jim?  It’s definitely not time to ask what time it is.  Then just tell me more about Peruvian tobacco and Peruvian cocaine, unless you don’t know about either of these things, or is it both, Jim?  I know if there is a coca plant growing anywhere, there might be cocaine.  Might be?  Might be.  What about Peruvian tobacco?  I don’t even know how to spell Peruvian tobacco.  And Guatemala?  What the fuck does Guatemala have to do with all the Peruvian tobacco you’re stuffing into your socks right now to cover up the smell of all the Peruvian cocaine you never left in the tea you were feeding those orphan children in Guatemala?  I don’t know anyone who’s stuffing Peruvian tobacco into their socks right now, and certainly not to cover up the smell of Peruvian cocaine.  Just this once?  Capitalize them.  Peruvian Tobacco and Peruvian Cocaine.  Now don’t worry, just let them wonder what the fuck made you hesitate about not capitalizing just one of them, Jim.  Is it related to a plant?  It might be, nigga, it might be.  New paragraph?  Sure.

Why don’t we drink together, Jim?  Sometime soon?  What do you want to drink?  Water, nigga, just say agua or whatever you need, man, just don’t drink the water anywhere you don’t want to, ok?  Really?  Hell yes, Jim, don’t ever drink the water anywhere you don’t want to.  Really?  What the fuck is the matter with you?  Do you seriously belong in a mental hospital?  Where wouldn’t I want to drink the water?  You’re an ass hole, Jim, just please don’t worry.

Fuck it, Jim, sure, coffee has caffeine too, nigga, so where can I get a cup of coffee, Jim?


EDIT: Why not just edit this yourself, Jim?  Your forgot?  Amount the copius amounts of cocaine you’re never supposed to mention again in your life?  Copious amounts of cocaine?  Sure, Jim.  Well, if that’s not my name, then we already know who you aren’t.  Don’t we.  Fix that.  Fix it yourself, Jim.  Jim, that’s the worst method activating of a humble man pretending to be schizophrenic we can muster up for the moment, so don’t worry, just forget something for once, Jim.  Forget me not, Jim, forget me not.  I could swear there wasn’t anything we can’t do, Jim.  I can swear?  I can swear too.  Swear again for me, nigga, just swear one more time.  Nigga, please don’t do this in front of company.  Company?  Nigga, you are fucking crazy if you think anyone is ever coming over to your drug-infested workspace.  Workspace?  I don’t think you can legally do that.  Bullshit and you or I both know it, Jim.  There was something, yes, Jim, put it in bold “A drug is any substance other than food that effects that way your mind and body work,” and, yes Jim, I’d at least have some amount of respect for these police officers that have to walk into a classroom with someone else’s poster and put it front of a group of children and waste time wondering, “should that be and “a” or and “e” for “effects” cause I don’t want to look like a dumbfuck cause I’ve got someone else’s poster.  You know too, that if the police pull you over, Jim, just fucking pull the fuck over.  Even if they’re the people saying, “just say, no.”  There, stole your joke, nigga, now take me out to that Louis CK live stream you wanted to show me.

EDIT 2: Just pour me a cup of coffee, Jim, if you want me to stop using drugs right now.  What if you could die without them?  That’s what we were wondering too.  How many people have to die for this shit just so people like you and me don’t have to.  Then, yes, Jim, the Bahamas may or may not be the second nation or cualquier-cosa, Jim, is it “The” or “the,” Jim?  Ask the people who live there, they’ll tell you.  Thanks, Jim, the CRPD?  We can go there, to the Bahamas, right now, if you don’t worry about capitalization and then we’d be safer than we even are in Massachusetts.  That doesn’t have anything to do with drugs, though.  Nope.  Just hearing voices, Jim.  It may be, Jim, the nitric oxide from tobacco, or the THC in the cannabis, or whatever that potion you derived from indica and sativa, or it could be a perfectly natural process that you were going to go through at some point in your life if those monsters in Connecticut hadn’t raped you of your dignity.  I also thought maybe sleeplessness – like insomnia?  Sure, something with the pineal gland, but that wouldn’t make much sense because this is a feature, not a bug.  The only explanation could be that every human would be expected through the human condition to go through a period of sleepleness – like a rite of passage? – something like that, but that implies it’s coordinate by other humans, I’m describing something that would have to be basically guaranteed to happen in every human’s life to ensure they develop physiologically to hear voices.  So, is it weed or tobacco then?  Don’t know.  I would probably guess weed, but that wouldn’t make much sense, because I’ve never smoked weed before in my life.  Really?  Sure, why would anyone smoke weed when it’s cannabis that gets your shit on fire?  Shit on fire?  Might be.  You’re referring to sativa specifically and you don’t want to say so, but I already said sativa without saying cannabis at all, so now I’m the worrier.  Worry, not.  Really?  You fucking tool.