a telenovela

If you can’t tell, that means we definitely aren’t writing this article because James can’t come to the phone right now or something like that, right Jim?  Is that how we stay out of trouble?  To just say “or something like that” after everything like we’re part of some kind of Adam Sandler-led cult, Jim?  That’s pretty funny cause of the Jew thing too, Jim, and, yes, thanks for that since now you’ve mentioned your favorite religion, Jim.  That’s not entirely fair, but do you have a favorite one, Jim, and good luck describing yoga as a religion without offending some very serious yogis, Jim, so even if you don’t like religion, you must still have a favorite or at least a least favorite, Jim, and no, we’re not done with that yet, Jim, let’s start a new paragraph and prepare them for the accident we just thought of.

We didn’t, Jim, just letting you know, this isn’t our fault either, that you would even consider the possibility that we’d be so unlucky during your four years in office that, what, a war would break out and we, as American citizens, would somehow be responsible for architecting and implementing an entire what, Jim, in foreign country? Then what happens, you’re supposed to get on the phone and find people you trust to handle it so that we can trust that it’s being handled without even considering how fucked up the entire premise of what your describing is?  Because I don’t want to think about building governments on foreign property anymore than you do, Jim, but if that’s what’s expected of us, then won’t we do it?  Won’t we do what’s expected of us?  By who?  By whom, Jim, you fucking accident.  I don’t know how else to install a government on foreign land than to have it be at least by someone trustworthy either, Jim, but please tell me what country are you looking to install a new government onto?  None!  None of them.  I don’t want to either, Jim, do you know why governments are installed in foreign countries?  Probably for more than one reason.  Great one, Jim, great one.  And, now, let’s not go make jokes about fucking floppy disks, Jim, what do floppy disks have to do with installing governments on foreign lands, and, yes, I already thought of that too, Jim, just in the fucking time it took to read this, I’m already thinking about fitting the Constitution or some other bullshit document, Jim, on a floppy disk and – what – sticking it in the ground and hoping oil comes out, Jim, that’s all I want, can you invent that shit for all of us, Jim, please, for the love of all that you love too, spend all your time from now on trying to find a way to stick a floppy disk containing cualquier document you want, and make some fucking oil come out, even a drip, dude, just a fucking drip of whatever you are on right now that helps, Jim, whatever it is, if you can put that in the ground and make something grow, I might just trust you enough, Jim.  Don’t worry, we know, you should never trust anyone who tells you to trust them, but who didn’t just remember some secret stuff about the Devil, Jim, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with capitalizing that word.  Let’s turn this thing off too, Jim, just don’t worry about whether some asshat is going to read this and think because you ended this fucking essay or whatever you want to call it referencing the Devil that this will be the straw the broke the government’s back whatsoever because you’re in Massachusetts and we know it, so there’s not a damned thing anyone can do about it, so please don’t worry.