Flannery Erases Hitler’s Birthday with ‘Celebration of Genocide in Connecticut’

Hartford, Conn.  | April 20, 2026 – Despite insistence from clowns and clownmasters alike, 4/20 will not be commemorated this year with riddles of unsolved American date formats nor aboriginal holidays, as we instead betroth our sincere readers this morning with news of a shallow hallow this reporter cannot quite remember (much like the name of Jim Flannery’s memoir about his first experience with involuntary psychiatry at Hartford Healthcare’s Institute of Living). While cannabis smokers…

N*ggas in Hell

Hartford, Conn. | April 12, 2026 – Tearful technician Jim Flannery thanked this reporter for the very first time this morning while dishonoring tradition once more by carving asparagus insignias in the shape of “[2610203]”. While tomorrow may bring memories of the lost tracks from Flannery’s 2023 concept album, 2024 4 13 + 25, those in the know would think nothing of the Commission on Human Rights and Opportunities ostensibly assigning such a well-curated case…

Latest Connecticut Probate Court Biennial Report Riddled with Errors

Hartford, Conn. | April 12, 2026 – The highly anticipated 2024-2025 Biennial Report released by the State of Connecticut Probate Court Administrator disappointed no less than one sad clown by revealing that forced electroshock requests in Connecticut broke their own previously held record of 203 requests with an impressive 269 forced electroshock requests for the 2025 fiscal year. Unfortunately for our readers, since the Deputy Medical Director of DMHAS told Inside Investigator that any perception…