FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Buried Alive
The True Whereabouts of Jim Flannery
Holyoke, Mass. | August 27, 2023 – Unbeknownst to local resident, James J. Flannery, Jr., our fallen hero and U.S. Presidential candidate Jim Flannery read this very press release at the Forbes Library in Northampton yesterday without killing at all, while, at precisely the same time, Flannery’s dead husband’s body was rescued from a Connecticut mental institute by a team of unspeakably talented clowns. The tragedy to endure for generations shall forever be the recent medical homicide at Connecticut Valley Hospital that led to this improbable recovery effort, however, for all our younger readers, we must pose the question as to whether a man being murdered as part of a genocidal effort to eliminate his race is to be considered a homicide at all.
Thankfully for this reporter’s future as a writer, Flannery’s body was saved in time to avoid the unspeakable fate that awaited at the CVH furnace and instead he received an unsanctioned embalming inside of a clown car before being laid to rest permanently at an undisclosed location neither near the St. Brigids Cemetery Fairy Gate nor amongst the fallen victims buried at Connecticut Valley Hospital Cemetery. While our effort to enlist your support to contact your legislators to prevent his body from being cremated may have been in earnest, we can still demand his death certificate revealing their stated cause of death.
RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
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