FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Flannery Declines Invitation to Lead Mad Pride March in Vermont
No Need for Aerosol After All
Burlington, Vt. | July 6, 2023 – Amidst a shroud absent of mystery surrounding his absence from Lafayette Square on Tuesday, Presidential candidate and psychiatric survivor, Jim Flannery declined his formal invitation to lead Burlington’s 2023 Mad Pride March scheduled for July 13 with a tear in his eye.
“It breaks my heart, but it’s just not safe for me. You can blame my brother for talking some sense into me on this one. ‘I’m sorry,’ and the answer is ‘no,’” was all Flannery offered this reporter as an explanation. Despite me own best efforts nor those of Flannery and the quantum mechanics he did or didn’t ever hire at the National Security Agency, I [PROBABLY||TECHNICALLY] resign.
Please accept me sincerest apologies and know that I have no regrets, I purged meself willfully and dutifully for me fucking country. If you need me, I’ll be offering Ed Snowden a foot rub in me new country of residence while Lisa Espinosa hears about me successful deceit by telephone from you.
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