Halt of Involuntary Electroshock Treatment in Connecticut Spreads Beyond

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Halt of Involuntary Electroshock Treatment in Connecticut Spreads Beyond

Saint James Patrick’s Mother’s Day Wish Granted

Greenfield, Ma. | May 10, 2026 – Following a week of near-disbelief among even his most royal followers, Rev. James Patrick Flannery exceeded even Crayola’s wildest ambitions with a pastel drawing absent of any prophetic callbacks to Easter’s Star Wars prophecy provided by Shinedown’s “Sound of Madness”. Dripping with envy of last week’s success in bringing an end to involuntary electroshock in Connecticut, Rev. James Patrick Flannery penned a fresh memorandum for global distribution.

I think the joke is supposed to be about finger paintings, isn’t it? But, whatever, pastels and Easter is silly enough to satisfy the dumbfucks who can’t seem to read these things without claiming I’m schizophrenic. It’s just too damn confusing that technically I’m psychotic because I only have one symptom: hearing voices. Unless I believe something about those voices that isn’t real, there are no delusions to speak of. So it’s not schizophrenia, I’m just psychotic. As for whatever brands I’ve been diagnosed with, you can give yourself the unholy benefit of the fucking doubt.

While bridging gaps isn’t what one might expect for a Reverend known for burning every bridge he ever crossed, even this reporter sometimes forgets who invented the arch.

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