SCHEDULED FOR RELEASE ON JANUARY 14, 2026
Connecticut to be Rescued by ‘Jimmy Flannery for Governor’ Campaign
Mental Health System Likely to Remain a Shit Show
Hartford, Conn. | January 14, 2026 – Conquering a computer for the first time since 2021, Jim Flannery unleashed the clowns by dropping digital copies of his gubernatorial nominating petition from the Connecticut Secretary of State onto his website, enabling individuals to be their own circulator of an independent candidate’s nominating petition for the first-time in the state’s history. With just 7,500 signatures needed to secure his name on the ballot, one might wonder whether to expect a stump speech or a concession speech:
You know it’s basically the exact same speech. And is this really the first time anyone has distributed their signatures pages like this? Or pointing out that an individual can both be a circulator and a signor of a petition? I mean, I kinda wanted to meet everyone face-to-face that signed but the math ain’t mathing.
Stumped as this reporter may be as to whether that means Jim Flannery finally believes in ‘Jimmy Flannery for Governor’, gratitude to the clown gods are in order, without whom he may never have succeeded in disentangling the multitude of clowns mastered by their one and only, James P. Flannery, and, with our reader’s time in mind, we won’t waste ink mentioning that Connecticut’s next governor was so embarrassed about the mere possibility he might have broken foundational clown rules by recycling the political platform he used during the presidential campaign from hell to interrupt what may prove to be the longest sentence of our lives. If he promises not to practice demonic possession to offer any retorts from the dead whatsoever to said accusations of foundational clown rule breaking, he might even be allowed a second chance at a concession speech:
You expect me to follow that? So, what? There’s a third chance then? So long as the great citizens of Connecticut don’t mind that one of me master’s other clowns’ remaining terms as President of these united states will run concurrently for the first two years of me term as their governor, if they will have me, I will accept the nomination in Connecticut. They did legalize cannabis, after all, which solves half of me problem with their mental health system. With trust, if only out of gratitude for me service, they will end forced electroshock next.
Forced electroshock shall be the least of Jimmy Flannery’s worries so long as his views on hybrid cannabis plants do not distract voters from his undeniable platform.
###
For all necessary information, please refer to jim-flannery.com/for-governor