Dearest Connecticut:

Unfortunately, I, Jimmy Flannery, stand before you today… to announce me candidacy for governor.

To begin me little speech, I must first express apologies to me family, for whom, me tireless acclaim will surely bring great embarrassment.  Out of respect, there are two pressing matters that must be addressed on their behalf.

1. Firstly, the nickname “Jimmy Veto,” while pretty awesome, is nothing more than a deliberately misinterpreted propagandization of me actual platform, which extends beyond simply vetoing every bill that comes across me desk. I politely request the media refrain from it’s use, as, in fairness, the heart attack it could cause me Irish father to hear his youngest son be referred to by a guinea name… is a burden no son should have to bear.

2. As we move forward, instead, to honor my Franco-Italian mother, I shall only be referred to as “Jimmy Fucking Flannery".

In returning to the grand matter at hand, I wish to introduce me political platform, beginning with an affirmation: there is more to me platform than me veto policy.

But, since it bears explaining, the convenient decision to adopt the same legislative policy used in the 2024 Presidential Campaign – to veto every bill that lands on me desk – was made possible by the founders of Connecticut, who implemented the same rules in our state constitution as our federal government did in theirs; giving their elected executor the right, if not the responsibility, to veto 100% of the bills placed on their desk, forcing the standard of legislative agreement to be raised from 50 percent to 66 percent thereby compelling the state legislature to collaborate, even at the risk of necessary and lasting disruption to our two-party system.

To the many who will say that governing by such a simple algorithm ‘ought be nothing more than a frivolous idea to be lost one day to time through the passing of the oral history of our great state, I understand your fears.

It is this fear, which you will remember long after I have lost this November 6^th, as you continue to grieve for what could have been, that we must face now, lest we be left speaking only of ‘what would have been’.

Indeed, what would have been?

Maybe a question worth exploring. After all, one might wonder: exactly what would this motherfucker have been doing for four years, if his 100-percent-veto policy seemingly implies that he’d have an awful lot of free time, and a non-existent budget?

Certainly, our National Guard would never have been activated to run a homeless support program at the Governor’s Mansion. As for anyone who said it’s not possible to run a homeless support program out of the Governor’s Mansion, please be reminded, it’d be my fucking mansion, I’d be doing what the fuck I want with it, of course, as long as it doesn’t spend any of the budget I’m not allowed to tamper with… though a resourceful governor could always utilize their National Guard’s vehicles, and take fuel through peaceful force for a necessary cause.

While some may have frowned upon the very idea of the National Guard being activated, albeit for such hedonistic reasons as helping homeless people, the fact that they were too busy serving the underserved citizens of their own state to beckon to the screech of an unnamed outsider, certainly would have saved us the requisite violence needed to resist the assertion that a President of these united states could command our national guard in our own fucking state.

As for the echoes of a now distant memory of discussions about National Guards from neighboring states being ushered in to our cities and streets, we sadly take a moment of silent grace to honor the courageous individuals who needn’t have been lost as they acted upon their legal right to bear arms as militiamen and women in order to protect our state from the vulnerability of foreign invasion, remembering that ‘though there are many things worth killing for, few are worth dying for.’

And, not to forget: Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the confusion over the extension of this bewitched land’s right to protect itself from the uninvited presence of its federal government - shall not be left a confusion. If it is decidedly just, for our citizenry to express their rejection of a neighboring state’s presence through force, then howbeit not as just to express it’s rejection of their federal government’s presence through force as well.

The conclusion to this speech shall be as bland as the time I would have served you as Governor, and just as there would have been no executive orders cursed upon you at my haste, there shall be no closing poems of eloquence to be left ringing in your ears.