Here’s just one idea.

Is it legal?


We don’t have to do it just because we write about it, you know that already, we can feel free to share ideas in public without worrying.

Except for?

Our hosting provider is a private company and they can do whatever they want and people can still shoot us in the street – it only means the government isn’t allowed (read: supposed) to hurt you because of ideas you’ve shared.

Fair enough, let me at least apologize for fornicating to the federal government here at least.

Thanks, Jim.

One way, just one way, one could get almost all the signature they ever needed to become the next President of these United States would simply be to inspire just one person in every state to run for Congress, and then gently, ever so gentle, beg and plead with them to collect signatures for this nigga right here while they’re collecting their signatures to become a Congressperson.

That would work?

The only problem with it is there is an implied endorsement to whoever this gracious nigga is that offers to collect the signatures, and, of course, if more than one person does so.

They clearly can’t be affiliated with any already existing political parties, correct?

They should probably check within their state, and at least one state has restrictions on changing your political affiliation within a time period leading to the General Election, though if I had to dream a bit here, I’d hope they’d be an Independent.

Because they should be able to, if they cannot, then what does that mean?

Any individual is supposed to be able to run for and hold any political office in this country.

Doesn’t that only hold true for elected positions, Jim?

At least Congress and the President don’t require any credentials, and, I hate to point out, neither does the Supreme Court.

So why don’t you run for Supreme Court?

You can’t run for it.

I already know you aren’t running for Congress because you don’t belong anywhere, Jim, but what about the Education Amendment after all?

I considered an amendment, and I know you’re thinking – what the fuck is it with this nigga and these amendments – but maybe that’s because you don’t think it’s worth putting on paper things that you may or may not perceive everyone already agrees with.

Such as?

The right to an education of one’s choosing.

Of one’s choosing?

You want to put that we have a right to education in the Constitution, you fucking socialist?

You should be able to choose what you do not want, don’t you think?

Freedom from, Jim.

Yes, “freedom from” – not “freedom to”.

Let’s write another one.

“Freedom from indoctrination”

I don’t think that’s what we’re after here, you’re just reacting by making the literal opposite of what we did before.

What is it you are trying to say?

I suppose then this one’s for the homschoolers – you should be free to home school, and however that experience is defined legally should probably have been written into our Constitution at some point by now, but maybe it’s so obvious that we don’t have it in writing.

So you’re saying you think that if this was worded correctly, it would just pass unanimously and be added to the Constitution?

Maybe as a preventative measure and it may also help to distinguish learning from all the other bullshit that gets groped into our discussions about education.

Like that last essay we wrote?

Basically, yes, how the fuck do we write about improving education without it somehow going off the rails talking about security in schools.

It seems to be a symptom of a bigger problem, and maybe homeschoolers don’t have the same problems that schools have and you don’t know how to talk about education while addressing both these audiences simultaneously.

If homeschooling was protected by the Constitution, maybe there’d be less to say about homeschooling – how is it not already?

Ask those niggas in California or New York, they’ll tell you.

We’re definitely not in New York anymore, Jim, don’t worry about the homeschoolers.

Yep, that kid in Texas never blew anyone up with his, potentially, well-made bomb.

I’m impressed – aren’t we all?

Kid coulda got a gold star or something.

Probably would have deserved a hug at least, Jim.

For not blowing anyone up.

Of course!

Shouldn’t we start handing out participation trophies to all the kids who participate in not blowing anyone up?

Or shooting anyone?

I need that shit, Jim, whatever it is that allows you make these jokes, I need it right now in my life.

Dude, I don’t know what to tell you.

Let’s try here without worrying about homeschooling.

The right to say “no.”

So, any individual young person should have the right to say “no”?

Legally, they’re basically their parent’s property, so their rights aren’t exactly preserved.

More than an unborn fetus?

Dude, what the fuck?

Don’t you think a young person should have the right to say, “No, I don’t want to do that.”

I would like to think so, at what point do they starve, though?

At the same time they die.


What’s unclear?

Are we protecting the child’s rights or the parent’s rights?

If a young person says “no” to something and their parents say “yes” then…

If a young person says “yes” to something and their parents say “no” then…

What do you mean?

I do want to bring up the individual rights thing since it seems to important to people who don’t understand what the word “individual” means – you want to give people the right to choose their method of education without respect to the government, yet what?

It’s complicated if you think the government is in any way protecting children from their own fucking parents.

You’d think someone would just drop ‘em off at the fire house if they didn’t want them anymore, regardless of their age.

I don’t think there’s an age limit on dropping human beings off with the fire department, Jim.

Why isn’t it so hard, Jim, to not be a comedian anymore?

I don’t know, it’s like it’s in my DNA or something to say fucked up stuff.

This isn’t a Kendrick Lamar song, Jim, there’s nothing in your DNA that causes you to make what you think are jokes.

It’s not a joke, nigga.

Thank you.  What about schools, Jim?

I just don’t understand how the President of these United States can change anything in schools when they are a local thing.

A local thing, how about “locally run” or that they should or shouldn’t be.

What about the state?

Well then fuck you too, Jim Flannery, if I’m a kid at school who is upset about what I’m being offered, who am I supposed to blame?

Blame me I guess for not issuing an executive order to give you exactly what you want.

Which is what?

Tell me – tell me what the fuck you want, I might be able to find a barely legal way to make it happen even without issuing an executive order or signing a bill, maybe I’ll just shave my balls and walk backwards with my tail between my legs, with your amendment tattooed in my pubic region outside Congressperson’s homes until they sign the bill that you write.

How about an amendment?

That would save space, but not necessarily.

That sounds like one useless President.