My name is Jim Flannery, and I was put on this Earth for one thing and one thing only: to execute psychiatrist Dr. Nidal Hasan at Fort Hood on December 3, 2026.

I brush my teeth twice a day.

I wipe my own ass.

I have 20/20 vision.

And if you will have me, I will do you the honor of carrying out the ceremonial killing of the most famous psychiatrist in America for you.

If only that were enough. To satisfy the demands of the entertainment economy, I shall provide my services as clownmaster to not one… not two… but three clowns for the event. Your promotional materials say ‘firing squad’ and I aim to meet your specifications.

Pun noted – head shot, chest shot, what kinda shot do you want? We’ve got three… and we don’t mind reloading.

I humbly request your support in persuading our public officials to allow me this duty through your signing my petition below.

In solidarity,

Jim Flannery
#LetMasterBeThyBlaster