FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Flannery Erases Hitler’s Birthday with ‘Celebration of Genocide in Connecticut’
Award ceremony to be held today at Hartford Hospital’s Institute of Living
Hartford, Conn. | April 20, 2026 – Despite insistence from clowns and clownmasters alike, 4/20 will not be commemorated this year with riddles of unsolved American date formats nor aboriginal holidays, as we instead betroth our sincere readers this morning with news of a shallow hallow this reporter cannot quite remember (much like the name of Jim Flannery’s memoir about his first experience with involuntary psychiatry at Hartford Healthcare’s Institute of Living). While cannabis smokers make toke and joke, today shall forever be remembered as the day Jim Flannery refused to show up to his one-man protest at the Institute of Living campus.
It would be an honor to call this thing an award ceremony. I don’t know if the IOL is the best at torturing people if they’re the one’s getting the award. For best in Connecticut? I mean, it’s New England, why not use the word ‘excellence’? Fuck it, I really can’t argue with any of it. Can I just clarify about the genocide? Like, from me? I mean, it ‘ought to be clear here that we are purposely dishonoring the failed attempt of the brown-eyed monster by bringing attention to the genocide being carried out this very day – across the United States and beyond – against people who hear voices. But, the book isn’t about fucking Hitler or the genocide, it’s about what’s happening to people labelled with bipolar disorder, not schizophrenia. That being said, your readers should be aware that there is kind of a pseudo or faux genocide happening against people labelled bipolar, and since I’m still unconvinced that bipolar disorder is even a real thing, that’s kind of terrifying for everybody, whereas what’s happening to people who hear voices is something that only people who hear voices would ever understand or really give a flying fuck about. So, I dunno what to tell you, but I’ll be there, I’m still just not fucking doing this thing as Jim Flannery, okay? It’s bad enough I have to do this shit at all. I’ll be fucking damned if I’m not going out there without clown makeup on.
As for whether we can expect to see Jimmy Flannery or Jim Flannery(s) denigrating his dignity for sympathy from the public today, one would hope that Jimmy Flannery might make the fucking effort to help with his gubernatorial campaign and let the sitting President of these United States continue fulfilling his promise to do fuck-nothing about anything at all.
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