Not a 2024 Presidential Campaign Fundraiser


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Greetings, Universe!

Welcome to what may seem very much like a 2024 Presidential campaign fundraiser rather than another Buttonwood job perpetuated by one or more individuals who may or may not have the ability to hear voices in their head(s).

Why might it seem that way?

The $2.4 million, of course.

How so?

The President of these United States earns a salary of $400,000 per year, which means $2.4 million is the equivalent of six years pay.

Why six years instead of four?

The extra two years could support a person while they campaign for the duration of 2023 and 2024.

Two years at $400k per year is only $800k.  What about the remaining $1.6 million?

If a Presidential candidate were to guarantee they would auto-veto and compel 2/3 of the country to agree on any bill for it to be passed, a bank account with $1.6 million in it could be an invaluable asset to have on Inauguration Day, particularly, in case the Senate doesn’t do their job every year and pass a budget with at least 2/3 approval.

Sounds like you want to be paid up front for your time in office, in addition to the $1.6 million the federal government is going to be paying.  I’ve never heard of a President requesting such a thing.

I’m not your President yet.

Well, what happened to “great leaders eat last”?

Maybe they do eat last, but who said anything about being great?  I’m just the best chance you’ve got.


Lovely question, so we can get back to the fundraiser at hand.

I’m the best chance you’ve ever got at having an American-born citizen leaving the States to go win a gold medal in men’s golf for Ireland at the Special Olympics.


Training could begin immediately with the funding asked for, the objective being an “Irish Golf” victory at the 2031 Summer Games in Hangzhou, China.

So it is just Irish Golf after all?

One might say just that, then again, they might be fixated on the idea that the same guy who is going to bring a gold medal to Ireland at the 2031 Special Olympics also happens to be running for President of these United States.

And the money, Jim?

$2.4 million.

Is the Federal Election Commission aware of this?

They've been informed.

Do they know why you fucking hate them so much?

Who said I hate them?

Nobody said that, Jim, I just want you to explain it.

If you raise more than $5,000 for a Presidential campaign, you have to then form a Committee and all this administrative bullshit, so why would anyone who valued their time, and even the time of those who would be a part of said committee, do it that way?

So you're not fundraising whatsoever for your Presidential campaign?

Why would I need to?

This is where you should have ended it, right there, Jim, but, fine, just let me be the one to tell them "He'll figure out a fucking way to pay off the state governments that require monetary bribes in order to get on the ballot."

You could at least add in the reason why I'm not running as a write-in anywhere.  While we're doing this, just make it clear that the regulation or law or policy or whatever the fuck it is that the word is for a threat of force against an individual who spends or raises more than $5,000 for their Presidential campaign, because it's both, raising and spending, so don't expect any Presidential fundraisers and don't expect much in the way of anything that can't be ClOwnEd into existence without it qualifying as a campaign expenditure.

What else, Jim?

There's nothing really to say.  I have nothing to offer anyone except, apparently, the willingness to do the shittiest job that exists.

Being an Irish Golfer?

That too.

= = =


If you are at all concerned about eligibility for the Special Olympics, please contact Middlesex Hospital in Middletown, CT.  Or why not the Institute of Living in Hartford, Jim?  Or Hillcrest Medical in San Diego?  Or wherever you were locked up in Vegas or Rhode Island for the same fucking thing.  = = =  Paper?  Paper plus time doesn't equal postage or courage, Jim.  No?  Why do we need to add this shit at all, Jim?  Maybe so people will still think we're human beings after all.  Oh really?  Who the fuck - how about for 'protection and safety' - oh, the same reason we wrote the fine print without paragraphs or changing from italicized font and such.  Of course.  = = =  Fine, Jim, what about competing with the women instead of the men?  Don't even want to talk about it?  What changed your mind, nice.

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$9,429 of $2.4 million raised

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Donation Total: $24.00