EMBARGOED FOR RELEASE ON MARCH 15, 2025
“Stop the Shock” Protest at Hartford’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade
flim jannery returns as a clown to protest his own birthday celebration
HARTFORD, Conn. | March 15, 2025 – Today marks Hartford’s annual celebration of Saint Patrick, famously known for his voice-hearing abilities that aided him in his escape from imprisonment in Ireland. While some scriptures purport that Patrick, born “Succit”, received instructions during a dream about how to make it back home to Britain, one would have had to have the longest fucking dream this reporter has ever heard of in order to learn how to travel on foot across the entire fucking country of Ireland and, yep, make it across across the English Channel or whatever the fuck that waterway is separating Ireland from England. “To be telepathic, or not to be telepathic,” no one ever bothered to ask since the obvious truth is self-evident.
To quote flim himself, “How the hell can you fly an orange, white, and green flag to represent peace between Protestants and Catholics when all the Protestants are hiding behind an invisible line in Northern Ireland,” forgetting, as he often does, that the flag represent a dream grander than even that allegedly dreamt by St. Patrick; that one day, Northern Ireland would choose to grow a fucking sack and join Ireland as a sovereign nation.
Lest we forget the purpose of our freshly permitted press release, we wish to thank Mary Maddock of MindFreedom Ireland for inspiring our protest of today’s festivities in Hartford, as we all know now that the horror of involuntary electroshock treatment is not just something effecting Connecticut residents, but is in fact a procedure that is inflicted upon Irish mothers who were just high as fuck on nitrous oxide that was given to them by a doctor while giving birth and never deserved to have their newborn daughter[s] taken away from them post-partem.
With that said, please, bring your flags, we’ll bring the banner: “END INVOLUNTARY ELECTROSHOCK IN CONNECTICUT.”
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