a telenovela

Maybe we ‘ought to refer to it as “international policy,” cualquier-cosa to me too, motherfucker, ‘cause we can’t really stop.

So, without worrying about what’s so amazing about Jamaica that they were the first to actually ratify the Convention for the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (and the additional Protocol, Jim?), why the interest?


Or wars?

Conflict, military intervention, people pointing guns at people they’ve never met and what follows afterwards, and avoiding these things, one would probably have to assume at this point.

I see too.  Now that you know that, can you break it down a little simpler about your own personal issues?

I’ve been to a bunch of countries, and there’s nothing bad to say about them, but, and of course there’s always a fucking “but,” what if the country I’m signing up to represent has a conflict with them?  Are my positive experiences, let’s call them, going to create a conflict if my role is to put America first, so to speak?  I would say it’s probably a good thing I don’t have negative experiences in these places to speak of, fine, what gives, Jim, what the fuck happened in Costa Rica?  I’d say nothing, though the roulette wheels are magnificent.  That’s great, Jim.  Where else?  China, Canada, Ireland, Mexico, Peru, and maybe an island or two in the Caribbean or around that region.  Plus, who the fuck even knows what It means to go to Hong Kong, but it seems like you’ve gotta pass through those gates to get into China at all, except maybe over in Macau, which just reminds me that even within these United States I have to deal with bullshit related to different states, which might as well be it’s own international relations game of it’s own.  Except you know it’s not a game, right?  Jim, you know this now, right?  It’s not necessarily a game, but I can’t feel comfortable placing bets on the U.S. Presidential Election without being in Vegas or on Mohegan or Mashantucket Pequot land, and, where the fuck can’t we smoke a joint in this country without worrying about prison and/or mental hospitals (cualquier-cosa, no?) without realizing even in the places where it’s purportedly legal to do so you can wind up fucked for life.  Not even to mention the hassle of maintaining multiple identities for multiple people across multiple states in order to exist.  Do any of these people whose identities you may or may not maintain, Jim, have dual-citizenship with the U.S. and any other country?  How could I know that?  Just accept that there is no Irish passport, Jim, without you taking the plunge with the Irish Special Olympics, okay?  And don’t worry about whether people will believe or not that even after you’re elected President that you’re still getting dual-citizenship since apparently that’s your ticket out of a second term in office – and – ya, sure, Jim, if we want to get you the fuck out of here, we may even encourage you to go get your Irish passport so you can fuck off like the rest of us.

Somewhere in there is a clusterfuck of international relations, but I sure as fuck don’t want to feel this way anywhere and I already feel that way in the U.S., but at least I haven’t resorted to violence.  Then again, if I’m still alive, I guess I haven’t needed to.

Can we at least leave a wink or nudge that if there’s a peace treaty of some kind that you’ll at least consider signing the fucking thing without worrying about your feelings about peace treaties that may ultimately lead to a game of Monopoly that leads to the exact thing it’s intended to prevent?  That’s a clusterfuck too, Jim, we know it, so don’t worry.

Fine, mention the fucking cannabis seeds and don’t forget to mention the tobacco too.